late 1950 //

[betagainstme]

A few days after a victory with Edward, Alice still has an unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach.

First, Edward's tiny non-reaction to her visions upon waking up, and second, the weighty knowledge of her lack of knowledge. Of her waking up alone and trying to figure out what comes next. It's been thirty years since that happened but she's never...talked about it with anyone, other than Jasper, who has no idea what it is like.

Waking up, completely changed, completely alone.

She wanders down the hall of the first floor, still learning the layout of the house and searching for Carlisle. Unsurprisingly, she finds him in his office, sitting at his desk. Tapping her fingers against the doorjamb, she gives a little wave. "Hey, Carlisle. Can I come in?"

Comments

[ofthefamily]

"Certainly, Alice. How can I help you?"

It's not that Alice barges in normally, but the timidness here makes Carlisle curious.

[betagainstme]

"Edward and I talked. It feels a bit easier, now." She smiles as she walks in.

Her head turns to take in his office, the furniture, the books, knick-knacks carefully placed on shelves. It's very homey--she loves it.

"But I had some...reservations, on other subjects. Sensitive ones, I think. I was hoping we could talk. If you're not busy."

[ofthefamily]

"Not at all, please - I was simply reviewing some of the journals that have come out recently. I can't imagine that you you would be interested in that."

Carlisle gestures to a nearby chair on the opposite side of his desk. It's black leather and new, so it needs people to sit in it and break it in.

"What's on your mind?"

[betagainstme]

When she sits, the leather squeaks, startling a little laugh out of her. Her smile stays fixed, even as her eyes turn a little worried.

"I was telling Edward about how I woke up. And that I had visions, very overarching, broad ones, at first. Jasper, of course, but others. One of them that I mentioned to him made him pause." She hesitates, feeling a bit silly, but Carlisle knows Edward, knows how he is. A pause is important.

"I told him I saw...black cloaks and red eyes. Italy. And, if I think about going there, that vision comes back. It's not like the others--there's no definitive marker of time or place. Just...dread? I guess. But I don't know what it means...and I've never had the chance to talk about it with anyone, not when I woke up completely alone. I'm surprised I managed to get anywhere, teach myself anything."

A self-deprecating joke that lingers kind of flatly between the two.

[ofthefamily]

Black cloaks and red eyes.

Oh my dear, where to begin.

"Alice, I must admit I'm not sure what you are asking of me." Carlisle treads lightly here; there's a lot to talk about if she wants, but it's never exactly a happy topic, so he'd keep it brief if he chose it. "Did Edward suggest you come talk to me?"

[betagainstme]

"I don't know what I'm asking either." She whispers, her brow furrowing as she fiddles with the rings on her fingers. "He didn't--I just--"

Alice presses her lips together in a firm line, trying to piece together a full sentence. "You seem like the safest bet. You know what I saw, don't you? Is it something to worry about? Is it something I need to have a focus on?"

[ofthefamily]

"I don't know precisely how your sight works, my dear, so I cannot say that I know exactly what you saw. Is it that we might cross paths with strangers? Or that those cloaks and eyes you saw are people that we know very well? From one of our pasts?"

My past?

"Or our future as a family? Perhaps we are trapped in the back room storage of a theater company."

Carlisle tries to smile about it, but adds quickly, "I am not trying to make light of what you see. I just don't have answers; only ideas."

[betagainstme]

She watches his almost smile and offers one of her own.

"I saw myself, with them. If that helps."

Alice fiddles with her dress, pursing her lips. "Though, to be fair, I barely know how my powers work. They're changing, lately. Things are less...possibility and more concrete.

"But that's not--" she grimaces. "It was just weird, Edward's hesitance. I mean, I know he's...always hesitant with me, it's just this one was weirder."

[ofthefamily]

"I am happy that you came to me." And happy that Edward refrained from sharing - allowing Carlisle to talk about things himself.

"I spoke to you about being turned in England, and when, but I have not talked about some of the time I spent before Edward." By myself.




"Italy really is beautiful."

[betagainstme]

"I hope to visit one day. Though, I think I'd rather visit France first." Alice offers another smile, this one a little more real.

"What was it like? For you? Waking up, alone?" She settles on this seemingly safer topic. One she knows how to traverse a little better. "It's weird. I can't really talk about it with Jasper, who I talk about everything with, because he doesn't understand."

[ofthefamily]

Her definition of 'safer' is interesting, but temporarily Carlisle is happy for the reprieve.

"Potatoes. It was all...potatoes. I think that might be the last human smell I remember. I was changed in 1663, and was one of the few people in my father's mob that actually found a coven. I was alive when they fled, and I crawled into the first cellar I found."

[betagainstme]

"How did you know what to do?" She whispers, watching him. His face, which she knows so well from visions, his eyes. She woke up and knew she had to emulate them...but failed more than she triumphed that first year.

[ofthefamily]

"I didn't have a clue at all, my dear. That first year I was impressed that I didn't reveal myself immediately."

[betagainstme]

This draws a small laugh out of her. "I know that feeling. I barely remember the first year--I feel like it wasn't me. I had no idea who I was, other than my name, let alone what I was. I don't think I was very...discreet."

[ofthefamily]

"I fled the city pretty quickly, and just spent the rest of that year in the most rural areas I could find.

"There was not much joy in my life. You weren't alone in that. Just because I knew my name and remembered my life, doesn't mean it was a happy time."

[betagainstme]

"I didn't think it was. I would be lying if I even hoped it was. Sometimes, even if you don't wish the circumstances on anyone else, it's just nice to know others have been in your shoes."

[ofthefamily]

"I was in those shoes for about sixty years."

Then it was different. Arras, Gerard, traveling to Italy afterward.

"I learned a lot. French, suturing, how to dig structurally sound caverns."

[betagainstme]

"Did...structurally sound caverns come in handy often?" Her head tilts, a curious bird.

[ofthefamily]

"More than I'd like to admit, early on. It was the first type of hideout I attempted to turn into a place I lived instead of just surviving."

[betagainstme]

"Oh," she hums softly, her head still tilted as she tries to imagine Carlisle living in a cave. Her first living situation had been a seedy motel in Atlantic City, until she won enough at blackjack to move into a nicer place.

The trash smell covered the humans nearby. And then, in the nicer hotel, she did a lot of breath holding and hunting. Of course, none of this happened for the first ten or so years of her turning.

"I learned French too," she pipes up. "I know I told you that earlier, but, another something in common!"

She makes a silly face.

[ofthefamily]

It's enough to make Carlisle laugh, even though his laughs are always far more muted than most of the others in the family.

"You say that as though we are these extremely disparate things. Am I so odd?"

[betagainstme]

"No, of course not," she smiles at him, her brow wrinkling again in bewilderment. "It's me that's odd, Carlisle. I'm used to it, and used to searching hard to find things in common with others."

[ofthefamily]

"You're talking to the vampire who refuses to eat humans."

He wins the weirdness contest forever.

[betagainstme]

"Yeah, but I see the future." Alice pouts. "And I also refuse to eat humans. I used to go to dances with humans back before I met Jasper!"

She's not sure what she's trying to prove with that one. Or why she wants to win a weirdness contest--she's actually pretty relieved she's not the weirdest of the weird anymore.

[ofthefamily]

"You win. I have never willingly gone to a dance."